At last, what we have all known in the depths of souls has been confirmed! We have all long known that Steven Seagal one of the worst actors ever (up there with Matty Lloyd) who should be convicted for crimes against humanity for such atrocities as Under Siege I and II.
But now Urban Stone is appalled to reveal that there is a budding recording career hidden behind the rocky facade of this expressive piece of chip board. The exquisitely entitled "Mojo Priest" is now available for the terminally deaf, Rossy and $5 budget bins all around the country. Click here for entry into the house of horror.
Warning: Viewers spending longer than 5 minutes at the Seagal house may discover themselves committing unsuspected acts of self harm.
15 comments:
Hmmm. Dunno if even I can listen to 5min of Seagal, but he'd sure be great in guitar-smashing mode. Just wear a hardhat if you're in the band, and NEVER tell him he needs to tune up.
Rossy
interesed to hear what batman rocks thinks of Seagal in music mode... being a life long fan of the under siege attrocities... mmmm does anything jump out of a cake mid song?
capt smollett
Steven Seagal is a legend!!! You morons wouldn't know an actor if you came across him. I suppose you think that Kevin Spacey and Angelina Jolie can act. The way Seagal graces the screen is something we havn't seen for ages. The only disappointment with him having a music career is that we will not see as many of him films being made.
Steven Seagal's biggest fan.
Smollett,
What are you talking about. There wasn't a cake scene in the Under Siege movies, was there? All I know is that Casey Ryback (Seagal's charater)knew how to handle bazookas and artillery in strategic ways.
Good luck in your recording career Mr Seagal. You will make a great rapper.
Ted.
Ted - no cake scene in Under Seige? what are you smoking! That was the only memorable scene in the whole fiasco of a movie! (and even that was laughable)
But seriously, Seagal has some talent - he manages to make Pearl Harbour look good! And that my friends, is a seriously tought task ;P
Aah yes, that cake scene was brilliantly shot.
Actually I reckon the video clips would be good. Seagal could do it Under Seige style. Halfway through a lead break, he could forcefully insert his guitar neck in the bassist's chest, use his leads & effects pedals as a nunchukas and go mental on the drummer, etc, etc.
Rossy
Well, well the time has finally come to pick on one of my faviourite actors as a kid. I'll never forget sitting in the cinema when the USS Missouri came across the screen with that 80's drum beat in the background, the waves of the ocean crashing on the side and the crazed 70's reject played by Tommy Lee Jones carrying on like an idiot set the scene for one of the greatest action films of the 90's. Basically Die Hard on a boat. (By the way this is the film that launch Tommy Lee Jones)I loved it, especially the guy who I saw it with (Gary) who continually let off huge sounds of his own, during the quietest scenes in the film. Possible just after the cake scene was his finest hour. By the way boys the lovely lady who jumped out of the cake was Erica Eleniak who most of us were in love with during our adolescent phase of Baywatch. Casey Ryback was very quick at eliminating the bad guys. The first movie where 5 guys were taken out in the space of 0.578 seconds. But I must say Under Siege 2 was a cracker despite the fact that it almost broke me and my girlfiend at the time up.
Who cares if Seagal can't act, he can sure kick butt. But I must say he did go on to do way too many films. Who could forget On Deadly Ground, The Glimmerman, Fire Down Below, Half Past Dead and of course Executive Decision where he dies in the first 5 minutes.
Seagal was a legend but I do fear he may have had his day. All we need to do is cast him in a period piece like Pearl Harbour and we could revive his career and maybe the soundtrack could be produced by him and his raper group, Sexual Chocolate.
You will also be pleased to know that Under Siege 3 : Plane Danger is currently in production. Will Erica be back.......
Batman Rocks.
Never has there been a more worthy winner of the Golden Crap Award than Steven Seagal!
NOt just Tommy Lee Jones... how can we forget the best support actor in the business, Gary Busey!
I have to say, if you're gonna see a crap film, it's always fun when Seagal's in it!
Who could forget Gary Busey! He was awesome in Under Siege but his best movie was Act of Piracy, what a cracker of a film. He is the best C grade actor in Hollywood!
Just checked out the link to Seagals tunes... OMG... what a load of aural cat-sh1t.
JOno, I'm greatly saddened that you could even THINK I'd listen to this crap, loosely disguised as "the blues". Not that I've even listened to blues for a loooooong time (Got sick of 3chord songs).
Thanks very much son, I'll be naming my next vinegary-spoilt homebrew in your honour.
You Austrians with your stupid kangaroos wouldn't know good music if it bit you on your behind. Steven Seagal is a brilliant actor and his music is everybit as good as his acting. Good on you Seagal. Rock on for America! USA USA USA!
NEWSFLASH - kangaroos discovered in Austria!!!
Oh wait, no... sorry, just another American showing their grasp of international issues yet again.
Rock on America
Oh go and drink some fosters and have sex with your koala bears
Get a Grizzly up ya buddy! Who drinks fosters anyway? We sold that crap to the English, they love it.
Post a Comment